Living With An Eating Disorder: My Story (Part 1)

I have always been very honest about my ‘journey’ with health & fitness over the years, and quite detailed about where my distorted relationship with food began (hello weight watchers at 18!). However, I reached a milestone birthday last week, and it got me reflecting on the past 10 years of my ‘fitness’ life (alongside cover-19 UK quarantine providing a lot more time being at home). I’ve broken it down into parts, so I can put as much detail in as possible.

I think it can seem like most peoples fitness journey’s are very linear. You want to lose weight, you lose the weight, stabilise, and live the happy ‘fit’ ever after life. That didn’t happen for me, and I wanted to touch on something I haven’t vocalised a great amount across my social media….my life with an eating disorder. I am going into quite personal detail about the bad habits and tendencies I had, so please do not read if you feel you will be triggered. 

 

There are key moments in my life that I will always remember, and my 23rd birthday is one of these. Not for the age, or even that I had a huge celebration, but for the sheer fact that there is a moment on this day when I realised how truly unwell I was, and how strained my relationship with food & myself had become.

My best friend of 10 years had brought me to a cafe that we often went to in the evenings (G&D’s, amazing), and it was a mini birthday celebration. Now at this point I was SO deep into my fitness and restrictive eating, that I would usually only get a green tea. Not for the glowing health benefits, but because it had no calories, and it was 8pm, I couldn’t possibly eat or drink anything else at 8pm! I had a strict ‘no food after 6pm’ rule (my heart aches for 23 year old Louise). Now today was different, it was a special occasion, and my friend surprised me with a slice of cake. I remember seeing him walk across the room, slice of cake in hand, and instantly being filled with dread. What are the macros? How many calories is that? It’s so late, I can’t eat now. – Macro’s & weighing & tracking my food is a WHOLE other post coming soon.

So I am sat there, with this slice of cake in front of me, my friend smiling away at me wishing me happy birthday, and all I am worrying about is that I have to sit there and eat this, and then spend hours, if not days, worrying about the effects it would have on my ‘progress’. I vividly remember going home where I still lived with my parents, and bursting into tears on my Mum because I had to eat that cake.

It was that moment that I knew I needed help.

My relationship with food had become so skewed. I was obsessed with ‘eating clean’ to the point that even now when I hear ‘influencers’ say those words, I feel a twinge inside, and hate that they are spreading that message still. I ate between 1,000 – 1,200 calories per day, and never a calorie more. I would stop eating at 6pm each day, often feeling absolutely ravenous, and forcing myself to go to sleep at 7.30/8 so I could eat again in the morning. I was massively over training, often 2 times per day if I could. I was a runner back then, knee deep into half marathon training, often burning 800 calories or more per session, and I would often go to the gym ‘fuelled’ by a plate of vegetables and a small serving of cottage cheese.

 

 

I would do 1 minute intervals on the treadmill for an hour, then some ab work, and then maybe some light weights.

 

I was wasting away to nothing, and I still didn’t think I looked good enough.

 

 

 

 

I thought I was the epitome of health, and I would talk about fitness and health all the time. To the outside world, I had lost a load of weight, and seemingly gained this ‘balanced’ life in the process. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. Yes, I had lost weight, but I had such a distorted view of food and ‘balance’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This photo is a harsh reminder of just how thin I had become, and how I craved losing at least another 1 -2 stone off this frame so I could look ‘good’.  You can see my ribs sticking out through this dress. A quote my friend once said to me, was that ‘she could hang coat hangers off my collar bones’ they jutted out so much.

 

 

 

I remember it was my Nan’s birthday, and my parents had booked her an afternoon tea at a local cafe. Weeks ahead of the event, I was freaking out about what food I would have to eat, looking at the website online to see what food would be on offer so I could plan the day to a T, and balance my food throughout the week to accommodate. Instead of enjoying the celebration, I had a small bowl of soup, refusing to eat the cakes or sandwiches, because the soup was the ‘cleanest’ and ‘healthiest’ option with the least amount of calories. Looking back on it now, I wish more than anything I had eaten those cakes, I had celebrated my Nan’s birthday with her to the full, and not let my food and body demons win. Those moments I can’t get back now, but I can tell my story and hope it helps someone to seek the help that they may need.

I remember one of the fitness instructors in my gym approaching me during training to say how well I had done to lose the initial weight, but to look after myself & make sure I didn’t lose too much more. Other members I knew quite well too were saying similar things, but I just couldn’t see what they were on about. I thought I looked okay, but I still had a few more pounds to lose.

The lowest weight I reached was 98 pounds (7 stone).

 

I couldn’t go anywhere without my scales to track my weight. My boyfriend at the time (bless him, he had a rough version of me), had to put up with me weighing all my food at his, buying separate food to eat, not eating past 6pm (bear in mind he didn’t finish till 6, so we never ate together), having to sleep by 8pm as I was so hungry I couldn’t see straight & weighing myself every morning. An overnight stay for me meant a scramble to pack my food scales, weighing scales, food ‘I could eat’, ‘clean’ snacks, and gym stuff so I could train. It would take me about 1 – 2 hours to be fully prepped for an overnight stay at his, because I just couldn’t have even 1 day ‘off plan’.

Looking back on this now, it’s actually a really sad time in my life, but also a huge part of my story. I was so unwell for a long time, and I ended up seeking medical advice/help. If anything in what I have said here has triggered you, or resonates with tendencies/habits that you have, please see advice from a healthcare professional. It was the best thing that I ever did, and is something I will talk about in Part 2.

 

Lou xx

 

 

Binge Eating: The Mentality

I got to that point where my work trousers were feeling snug. I’d bend down to pick something up and the clippers would dig into my belly. I’d squat down and my thighs would be trying to escape the material, and I was constantly fussing with pulling my trousers down slightly, as they’d ride up over my cellulite thighs and squishy belly making my trousers look too short. I’d tell myself I’d stop every hour of the day. Then proceed to eat another cookie ten minutes later. The desire was insatiable, it was emotional and habit driven, and it was damaging any self esteem I had. My weight dictated 80% of my daily thoughts. I’d look forward to finishing work so I could go home and feel miserable in my room, and avoid social situations because then I’d have to dress up, and draw attention to the fact I was putting my ‘fat’ clothes back on that I’d promised myself I never would. 

I’d trawl through instagram looking at all the women younger than me by years in amazing shape and think I’d run out of time. I’d avoid sex with my boyfriend because being on top meant my thighs would clap against his, and I didn’t have the stamina to do it as I once did when we first met and I was 40lbs lighter. I felt like a failure. I thought I’d beaten my demons and made peace with myself, when really I had just been chasing myself round in a circle, and I was right back to square one. 

I’d reach for leggings as my clothing of choice, because that way I could cover my thunder thighs with a dress and adapt the ‘curvy’ demeanour with a waist hugging number. In actual fact, my legs looked awful in leggings, and I felt more horrific than ever in them in reality, but if you’ve ever been in this position, you have ‘safe’ outfits. Your ‘go to’s’, that you put on all the time because you don’t over analyse yourself in them so much, and everyone has already seen them so nobody is REALLY looking at you. 

Every single day I’d wake up feeling more miserable than the next, and continue the same vicious, relentless cycle again. Over and over. Day in day out. For what felt like an eternity. 

Does any of that sound familiar? 

I wrote a blog post recently about binge eating, and this is almost like a sister article, as this reflects my personal mental process that I lived through. Every single day. For probably a year, and even to this day this is something that I struggle with. Social media is an amazing platform for connecting and sharing personal stories that men and women can relate to, but yet so few choose to be bluntly and unashamedly honest about. There isn’t a single person in the health and fitness industry that hasn’t had struggles, no matter how perfect their life may seem. Eating disorders are so prelavent now in society, and with an ever growing world of health and fitness, it’s easy to get sucked in and believe that nobody else in the world has struggles. That people are on their grind 24/7, logging their macros perfectly 365 days of the year, when in reality this just isn’t true. Everyone has bad moments, days where they are unmotivated, or weeks to months where they are just living life, and don’t want to weigh out every single morsel. It really is all part of the process. 

It’s totally ok to not be ‘on it’, 100% of the time. Nobody can have their sh** together every single day. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, we all get caught in ruts and vicious cycles, and we all have moments of weakness. Just because you can’t see past this negative episode happening in your life right now, it doesn’t mean that another chapter isn’t coming. Having negative body image, an eating disorder, or any other type of illness or injury does NOT make you a failure. When I was at my lowest point, physically and mentally I lacked so much self belief and self worth, that I literally didn’t see the point in trying. I just had to get up every single day, and try, try again. Even if you’re trying for weeks, months, or years, the most important thing, is that you’re not giving up. Starting over every single day does not make you a failure, it makes you human. It makes you’re normal. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, and remind you that you’re perfect as you are, and that your weight doesn’t reflect the person inside. It’s cliche and cheesy, but it’s just so true. The sooner you can change your mindset to being positive and happy in who you are, regardless of your weight or reflection in the mirror, the sooner you’ll learn that being mentally at a point where you love yourself, is far more important than a number on the scale. 

Next time you stand in front of a mirror, instead of picking yourself to shreds, name 5 things that you like about yourself. Do this every single day, for as long as you need to, until you look in the mirror and you don’t hate the person staring back at you, and you don’t hate the skin that you’re in. Just try it. 

The Supplements I Take – And Why!

One of my main focus points for this year, is to write good, useful content for you guys, and not just post weekly blogs of wishy washy information. The whole idea of a decent blog post (in my opinion), is to be informative, emotive, and draw you into the subject. Something I’ve been thinking about posting for a while, is all the daily supplements I take and why I take them. The fitness industry is booming with different pills and potions for our health, but you don’t have to be suckered into buying all the different ones on the market. Not only will this cost you a small fortune. It is completely unnecessary, you’ll find many of these overlap anyway. So, here are my list of supplements, are why I am taking them:

1. Multivitamin: I personally feel this is the most important supplement that we should ALL be taking daily. It’s sometimes hard in our daily lives to incorporate all the right vitamins and minerals that our bodies need by purely just our diet. Taking a good quality multivitamin can ensure that we are receiving all the right amounts that our body needs on a daily basis, without having to put too much effort into it. I know I often have days where I don’t eat as many micronutrients as I should, so ensuring I take a multivitamin acts as my ‘insurance policy’. Meaning even if I don’t hit all my micro’s, I have at least remembered to take a multivitamin that has a multitude of essentials in. 

2. Codliver Oil: You can take this in various forms, I personally take it in the form of a soft gel capsule. I’ve been taking these for years. I remember when I first started getting into fitness, I bought two giant tubs from Holland and Barrett (UK wholefoods store) and I am only just getting to the bottom of the last container! They really didn’t cost the earth (and they were on sale!), and they are a great source of omega 3 fatty acids, and contain relatively high amounts of vitamin A and vitamin D. The reason we need these types of fats, is because fat is essential in every single cell of the body. Eating the right kinds of fats will help to make your skin glow, increase your mineral and vitamin absorption and boost your immune system. It has a multitude of other health benefits. It has been associated with helping relieve joint stiffness associated with arthritis, has a positive effect on cardiovascular health, and helps repair nails, hair, and skin. Need I say anymore? 

3. Vitamin D3: This is the only vitamin that the body can manufacture from sunlight. However, in this day and age, we spend increasing amounts of time indoors, away from sunlight, and when we do venture into the rays, we slather ourselves in sun cream to protect us from skin cancer, to the point where we are now a society with high deficits in life and bone building, immune modulating vitamin D3. So, essentially, vitamin D3 is involved in bone health. It is one of the most useful vitamins to take for improving our overall health and wellbeing. I spend a lot of my working day inside, away from sunlight, so I find this to be a pretty important daily vitamin for me. The brand I have are from ‘the protein lab’ and I picked them up pretty cheap off eBay. 

4. Vitamin B12: It surprises me how little people know about what B12 is for. I’ve been taking this for about 6 months now, and I’ll continue to take it throughout my life. Vitamin B12 is vital for the formation of red blood cells, as well as for the proper functioning and health of nerve tissue. For those who don’t know what ‘nerve tissue’ is, it is the main component of the two parts of the nervous system, which regulate and control body systems. For example, when you touch something hot, and your hand retracts sharply, that’s a nervous system response to the stimuli. Heat. A deficiency of B12 can lead to anemia, as well as nerve and brain damage, which could eventually become irreversible, so these are definitely worth having a look into to add to your daily vitamins. 

5. Vitamin C (high strength, effervescent): Probably the vitamin you’ve heard about the most, or been reading down the side of your orange juice carton in the morning. Vitamin C acts as an antioxidant, which means it helps to protect cells from damage caused by free radicals (compounds formed when our bodies convert the food we eat into energy.) it is also necessary for the maintenance of healthy connective tissue, which gives support and structure for other tissue and organs, and helps to heal wounds. I like to take mine in the form of a dissolvable tablet which you can buy from most food stores and online and they are super cheap. All you do is add water to it, and it feels like you’re drinking a glass of orange squash. Alternatively you can buy it in pill or soft gel form, and I’ve also recently seen it as chewable gummy.

Those are my top 5 daily vitamins. Most vitamins will have the disclaimer ‘to be taken alongside a well balanced diet’ on their labels which is 100% true. Don’t start taking various vitamin tablets and thinking that you no longer have to worry about eating fruits and vegetables. It is far better for your body to receive its nutrients from real, whole foods. As I stated previously, I take many of mine as an ‘insurance policy’ to work in partnership with my well balanced diet. I do use things such as protein powders as a supplementation to my diet also, but these are not necessarily on a daily basis, so I chose to only mention my daily supplements. I will be doing a review of the various protein powders that I have tried over the last few years from a whole variety of different companies, so keep your eyes peeled for that in the future. 

I hope you found this useful, particularly if you’ve been struggling to work out where to start with supplements or if you really need them. If you have any queries or questions, then please leave them in the comments section below. 

2016

Hello 2016! 

2015 was a pretty rubbish year for me. If I had to compare it to an ice cream flavour, I’d have called it ‘vanilla‘, just your average, bog standard year. Nothing all that special. I had some of the lowest points in my life in 2015, so I am very happy to be welcoming a brand new year and a fresh start. I think New Years resolutions get a lot of flack, but I think having goals and having fresh focus is one of the best things, and DOES spur people on to succeed, or at the very least, make a start with a better, healthier lifestyle. 

So, I thought I’d share with you some of my own personal goals for 2016, in all aspects of my life, not only my health and fitness. This is probably the first year that I have written resolutions/goals, and I’m determined to keep them. 

1. To love and respect my body, at every step of the journey. This, amongst thousands of men & women, is probably my hardest goal. Self love is hard when you don’t see the body you want looking back at you in the mirror, but no matter what weight the scale says, or how many pounds you drop, you’ll always look in the mirror and want something more. Part of human nature it seems is to never be satisfied. The ‘perfect’ body, does NOT exist, so stop chasing it. You have to love how you look at every step of your journey, and this is something I am going to be working HARD on, each and every day this year. 

2. To not let my emotions get in the way of my goals. By this, I am referring to my old BED mentality issues. Overcoming an eating disorder is a lifelong challenge. Although I am free from BED, the mentality and old habits are somewhat harder to shift. When things get on top of me, or I’m feeling anxious and sad, my natural thought is to turn to food to mask it. Food is a powerful weapon in our own destruction, and yet something we cannot survive without. This year I am going to beat this mentality at all cost! 

3. To practise meditation and calming techniques. I suffer with anxiety, but I also have a short fuse in some situations. I sometimes find it hard to organise my thoughts, or work out what it is I need to do next, and calming my mind is something I am going to find useful to help me through these times. It only needs to be for 15 minutes a day, but those 15 minutes are going to help me with my self development, and ultimately that’s all I want for 2016.

4. Not to let food rule my life. If you follow me on snapchat (@louvj) or Instagram (louisejfit) you’ll know that I have been preaching about balance A LOT recently. These last 2 years have been a huge roller coaster in terms of my mentality with food, and I want to reach a point this year, where I am just happy. When I don’t need to weigh my food, or worry about hitting a certain amount of steps. When I can delete MFP from my phone, and just be at peace with myself, and have a healthy relationship with food. 

5. To focus on my own personal development. This is my ultimate goal. I don’t think there is anything more important than developing who we are as individuals. I want to constantly be learning new things that can help with my business and personal growth. I want to be the best version of myself by the end of this year. I have already started reading various self help books, learning balance with food etc. I am excited for this year ❤

I’m writing this, at that point into the new year, where we all feel our motivation is failing. Statistically, January 5th is the day that most people fail their New Years resolutions, it’s now the 10th and I can already feel that the lack of motivation is creeping in with many. I believe that goals are thoroughly important, as they make us work harder for what we want in life, so don’t be ashamed of writing your own new year goals. 

I am determined to stick to my goals this year. I have others on a more personal level, but these are my top five for 2016. To follow me along my journey this year, feel free to follow me on Instagram (@louisejfit) and snapchat (@louvj). 

Happy January! 🙂 

Binge Eating

First, let me start off by saying, this is a very REAL problem. Whether you have personally been affected by it or not, I’m 90% sure you’ll know someone who has or IS suffering with this issue.  The majority of people suffer in silence. Usually because they feel ashamed or disgusted with themselves for their actions. And if any of you dare start to think that it’s ‘easy’ to control what goes in your mouth, and sufferers clearly aren’t ‘trying’ enough, you’d also be VERY wrong. 

Binge eating is about so much more than food. It isn’t satisfying a craving, or having a little over indulgence from time to time. It is an emotional, and traumatic process a person is putting themselves through, and I can assure you NOBODY feels good about it after. I can say this because I suffered with binge eating on and off for about 2 years, and it’s about time I shed some light on it, in the hope it can help someone else through their dark moments. 

It pretty much came out of the blue for me. I’ve always been a yo-yo dieter, the ‘I’ll start on Monday’ kind of girl, who would empty the cupboards of chocolate on a Sunday night and devour them in one sitting. That was my ritual for a long time. 

Finally deciding enough was enough, I managed to get focused ( I wrote a whole separate blog post about that part of my journey.) I was 100% on my game, for a good 10-12 months. I felt really in control of everything. 

Until it happened. 

2 FULL boxes of pop tarts, 9 shortbread fingers, 2 twirls, 1 jar of Nutella, 1/2 a jar of cookies and cream spread, chips, a pizza, and a share size bag of milky bar buttons later I was done. 

10 months of solid hard work and dedication, and I had derailed within minutes. 

To begin with I enjoyed the taste, savoured the flavour of chocolate and pizza. I was a flexible dieter, but I never ate this quantity of these sorts of foods in one sitting. 4 shortbread fingers in I was starting to feel sick and bloated. My body wasn’t used to eating this much in one sitting. Yet still….I CARRIED ON. It was beyond hunger or craving. I was mindlessly eating, not even registering the flavours of the food I was shovelling in. Even after I had devoured enough food to feed a small army. I could have STILL eaten more. Yet I wasn’t hungry, I definitely didn’t have any room, and I 100% did NOT need it. 

I felt horrific afterwards, and it was all I could do to stop myself from crying. I was home alone at the time as the parents were cruising the med, but I was quite thankful as I felt so ashamed of myself. I tried to dust myself off and call it a blip. I had been dieting hard for a long time, I deserved a little down time….until I found myself on my kitchen floor doing the exact same thing 2 hours later.

I wish I could say I stopped after that one day. I would only be lying to myself though. I had days where I was focused and on track, and other days where I just sat and ate and ate and ate. Only now, the bad days outweighed the good. 

The weight was slowly creeping back on. Clothes I fitted into nicely were now feeling tight and suffocating, but much worse than that, I was beginning to feel like the old me again…out of control and out of my depth. I convinced myself that I didn’t have a problem, I could deal with it on my own, and why would anybody else care when I was probably the only person who was being silly and overeating anyway? 

Turns out I was wrong. 

I’d been using instagram for a while, but never really explored the various hashtags. If any of you have been following me for a while, around a year ago I pretty much stopped posting. This was probably my lowest phase with bingeing. I started looking at various online coaches (you know, the ones who give you a cookie cutter diet and fitness plan and send you away without another glance), to try and sort my sh** out. I remember spending $30 on a macro and workout plan. I followed it, felt good for a little while, but still carried on with my binge eating cycle. So ultimately I got nowhere. Any weight I lost I ended up piling  back on and then some! Until I came across the #bingeing hashtag. Don’t ask me how I found it, but I did, and all of a sudden I was viewing thousands of profiles of men and women, all suffering from binge eating disorder. Because that’s what it is, a disorder. An eating disorder. And I wasn’t alone. And somehow knowing I wasn’t alone made the world of difference. The more profiles I viewed, the more I learnt about what binge eating actually was. It turns out, the majority of binge eaters are eating their feelings, using food to mask their pain, anguish, anger, or sometimes even happiness. I still didn’t believe this applied to me, as surely I wasn’t going through anything, so maybe I just had fatty syndrome. 

However, when I really sat and thought about it, there was a lot going on beneath the surface. I still hadn’t grieved for the loss of my Grampy. I had been so focused on getting fit and healthy, and running a half marathon in his name, that I had pushed all other emotions to one side. My binge eating cycle began just a few weeks after completing my half marathon. Suddenly it all made sense. 

Binge eating is a very emotional thing. Food makes people feel happy, so if you’re feeling down, you’re more likely to reach for that bag of doughnuts. In those first few moments of the food being in your mouth you are no longer thinking about your problems. For those split few minutes all that matters is the happiness it makes you feel. Once you’ve become numb to your emotions you just keep shovelling it in. Food becomes your way to block things out. Right there is how a binge eating habit begins…

IT CAN GET BETTER 🙂

Just to finish, I’ve written a few things that I’ve found helpful to prevent me from binge eating again, so I hope they seem useful to atleast one person. 

I think one of the most important elements with binge eating, is your mental reaction to it afterwards. Your mentality dictates everything. It took me a long time to realise this, and even now I struggle to accept it. You can choose to let it affect you all day, bring you down, starve yourself with guilt, or, you can choose positivity. You can tell yourself you won’t let it happen again, that it won’t dictate your whole day or attitude. A positive life really does start with a positive mind, it’s cliche but true. 

Remove yourself from situations where you think you may binge (aka triggers). For example, don’t keep foods in the house that you know you may binge on. I know those double stuffed oreo’s are amazing in moderation, but if you aren’t ‘there’ yet, then don’t buy them. Simple. 

Binge eating can be a very lonely road, but only if you choose it to be. The more friends and family you tell about your situation, the more help you will have. If you feel an episode coming on, and you have support around you, the more likely it is they’ll be able to prevent you from bingeing. 

It might seem a little drastic, but in order to help myself I created a little ‘torture tub’. I wrote on little individual pieces of paper horrible mini workouts (you know, burpee’s till death’ that kinda thing), and every time I binged, I would pull one out of the jar and perform it. It might seem silly, but it genuinely worked for me. 

If you really are struggling to sort through your emotions, then consider speaking to someone. It doesn’t have to be a family member, it could be a healthcare professional. Laying all your feelings out on the table can really help to relieve some stress from your shoulders. You don’t have to keep things bottled up, it doesn’t make you weak to talk things through 🙂
Everyone’s story will be different, just as everyone’s journey is. No two people’s perceptions of binge eating will be the same, but I hope I’ve helped to shed some light, and let others know that they aren’t alone. It’s one of the hardest things to overcome, but it IS possible. It may not happen right now, or in a week, or a few months, but every single day you WILL get better. 
Lou xx

Fitspo Accounts & ‘Health’

This is quite a sore subject for me right now, and something I have been thinking about posting for a while, even though I know the controversy will be cray cray (crazy FYI).  I’m purely posting this because the amount of ‘Fitspo’ accounts out there who are now offering ‘workout plans’ and ‘macro programmes’ seems to have shot up massively over the last few months or so. 

Here’s the thing, and I am by no means speaking about ALL accounts before I am strung up and shot, BUT I am addressing a fair few.  The vast majority of these ‘fitspo’ accounts have hundreds of thousands of followers. It is these large volumes of followers that attracts others to follow them. The natural ‘sheep’ inside of us see’s a billion followers and believes we should be following them too. Regardless of what they are posting or what kind of lifestyle they are living. The majority of these accounts are also usually backed or endorsed by some form of supplement or fitness company. 9/10 these companies purely sponsor them based on their following. Again, sheep. Then, usually in their ‘bio’ tab, you’ll see a link to some form of website, usually with some sponsorship background, and then various links to buy meal plans, workout packages and personalised macros. And let me tell you, these are not cheap! And more than likely you’re tempted to buy one of these, because, why wouldn’t you want to look just like them and have a rocking body right? But, have you ever looked to see what credentials these people actually have to create these programmes? Do they have any nutritional background or degrees to back up these meal plans? Or did they take an online course that any schmuck could take in 3 weeks and then claim they ‘know’ nutrition? Are they even qualified in personal training to dish out workout plans? I can safely say the majority of these accounts will have very limited knowledge of health and fitness and are purely making money out of you because they post pretty pictures and have a flashy supplement company sending them things. The next best thing, is the fitspo account that just dishes you a cookie cutter diet plan of chicken and broccoli at every meal, because OBVIOUSLY every plan works the same for everyone right? NO. But the very BEST part is the accounts that post nothing but doughnut and oblique shots with pathetic quotes like ‘eat doughnuts for abs’, like seriously? Do you know anything about eating healthily? 

My main point here, is don’t be sucked into everything that you see online. Accounts post what they WANT you to see. It’s rarely a true representation of their day, or of their actual intake. You don’t HAVE to buy a meal plan from them JUST because they have 1 million followers. Choose who you invest your money in wisely, after all, it’s your life and your health we are talking about. 
Lou xx

Organic: How important is it?

Lets face it, if you’ve been into the health and fitness world for a while, there’s a 99% chance you’ve seen the word organic being thrown around. But in all honesty, how important is it that we go organic? Will you die if you eat a non organic carrot? What happens if your blueberries aren’t organic, should you not buy them?

I think a lot of these answers come down to personal preference, like everything in life. Everyone will believe a different philosophy about their health and what’s good for them. You’ll have the ‘bro science’ guys who swear chicken and broccoli at every meal is the ONLY way to eat. Then you’ll have the IIFYM guru who eats pop tarts at every meal and swears it’s what got him rock hard abs. Everyone’s take on what works is different, but that’s part of what makes the health and fitness world exciting. It’s very similar with the term organic.

Organic food essentially means it contains no pesticides. It’s not been sprayed with fertilizers during its growth, and it’s not had anything artificial added to it. Essentially it’s a whole clean food source. Now, the general belief about ‘health’ is that you want to be eating as many fruits and veggies as possible in your diet every day, and eating ‘clean’ food sources. However, people who really look in depth into nutrition and what the body does with our foods, will tell you that organic is the best way to go. Pesticides are known to cause damage to the human body when consumed. Some, such as the organophosphates and carbamates, affect the nervous system. Others may irritate the skin or eyes. Our bodies are designed to digest whole food sources, so when our foods also contain a list of other ingredients that we can barely pronounce, let alone recognise, our bodies too don’t know how to digest them or what to do with them. 

However, the actual level of pesticides we are consuming is so low it is unlikely to pose a risk. Laws are far tighter now than in previous years , meaning that pesticide levels are at an all time low.  If you are still worried about such health risks, then there are ways around cutting the cost of buying organic, because, lets face it, it isn’t cheap!  Again, this is personal preference, but I aim for a 50/50 split. We all know how expensive it is to consume organic products daily, no matter how much you want to, sometimes it just isn’t possible. 

Produce that has a thicker skin, such as squash, will be less likely to have as many pesticides or other harmful products as it’s skin is harder to penetrate, in comparison with a soft fruit such as blueberries or raspberries. So, I don’t worry about buying organic squash, but I will choose to buy my soft fruits such as blueberries, strawberries, raspberries and apples organic. See what I am saying? Doing it this way means I’m not breaking my bank so much.

Here’s a list of things I aim to buy organic:

– soft fruits (including peaches/nectarines), spinach, peppers, tomato, cucumber, kale, broccoli, asparagus, celery etc.

In general, these types of items would be classed as a ‘higher’ risk of pesticide abuse as they have a limited protective barrier compared with thicker skinned products.These are also known as ‘the dirty dozen’, although items vary between sources that you read. 

Eating organically really does come down to personal preference, and what you believe about the foods you are putting into your body. Don’t feel that you HAVE to eat organically because it’s deemed to be better for you. Do your own research and draw your own conclusions. Simple.

Lou xx

 

My Fitness ‘Journey’

If you’ve been following me on instagram for a while then firstly ILY, and secondly, you’ll have witnessed firsthand my transformation over these last 2 years. It’s amazing how much you can change both physically and mentally within such a short space of time. I was a notorious yo-yo dieter, procrastinator, and my biggest critic. I tried pretty much every diet going, from weightwatchers, to liquid diets, to calorie counting, until I finally found my sweet spot with IIFYM.

So, lets begin……..

This is probably my most cringe worthy shot that I have of myself. This was me at my heaviest weight. I know I wasn’t necessarily ‘big’, but given I am only 5ft4, I weigh around 11 stone (154lbs) in this shot, and that’s a lot more weight than a person of my size and stature should be carrying. This was around 2 years ago. I surprisingly don’t remember it all that well, I just remember not being happy with myself. I would CONSTANTLY compare myself to other girls, wish that I looked as skinny as them or had their self confidence etc. One of my most vivid memories is feeling proud of myself for getting a gym membership, but then I would drive to the gym and sometimes literally just drive round the car park and leave. I wouldn’t even go in. Other times, I would go ‘workout’, and then drive to McDonalds after (like, who even am I, seriously). Legit, that mentality scares me now, I have changed SO much. So, I decided to join weightwatchers……….

4-5 months later……….

This was the result of around 4-5 months of following weightwatchers, including ZERO gym time. I actually really enjoyed the process, and surprisingly I was REALLY strict with my points and weighing out my foods. This was classed as ‘healthy’ weight range for my build, and after receiving my elusive gold certificate (which I still have FYI), I stopped going to regular meetings. The only problem is, reestablishing yourself in the ‘normal’ world where you don’t see all foods as ‘points’ it’s a lot more difficult than you think. The weight slowly crept back on as I lost sight of remembering what was a ‘healthy’ amount to consume. I didn’t balloon back up to the weight that I was beforehand, but I stopped focusing on eating healthily and just started eating whatever I wanted.

Cue the yo-yo diet lifestyle, YOLO foods, and nights of ‘the diet starts tomorrow’…..

Around 3-4 months later…….

Not the best quality photo, but one of the only ones I had at the time. I’m not saying I am fat here, because I’m not, but I wasn’t HAPPY. That’s essentially what matters, that you are happy in your OWN skin. I think it was around this time that I split from my long term partner. We had essentially been surviving off dominoes pizza (don’t judge me), KFC and even more pizza. I wasn’t going to the gym, and I definitely wasn’t happy with my body. I lived in trackies (I live in them now for work, so it’s totally different and ALLOWED ok?). I think it was this break up that really spurred me to make a change. I remember really getting into watching ‘The Biggest Loser USA’ on TV, and just loving everything about it. Cue my LOVE for Jillian Michaels <3. This woman is a psycho trainer, but BOY does she get results. I think it was around now that I started my instagram account. I bought a tonne (ALL) of her workout DVD’s and books she had written and I really immersed myself in a healthier lifestyle. I just remember reading
thousands upon thousands of articles about health and fitness, how to workout, how to lose weight etc, and BOOM, I was hooked on the lifestyle. So, I started tracking my calories and logging my food on MFP………

10 months later………

I worked my ASS off. Literally…you see that pancake butt? I was hooked on working out and eating ‘clean’. I ate between 1,200-300 calories per day (that scares the crap out of me now), I went to the gym 6 days per week, and I saw the scales drop week by week. Ironically the scale dropping now scares me because it means I am losing ‘gainz’ bro. I signed up for a half marathon, and focused hard on being ready for it. I was reading a lot about weight training, and surprisingly I didn’t have the usual girly fears about becoming ‘bulky’ I just thought I would look out of place. I remember going to the gym with a guy friend at the time, we would roll up together, I would set the treadmill for 45 minutes of death cardio, and he would go off doing his weight training. I would be pounding away on the treadmill watching him move around the gym wishing I wasn’t stuck there. I slowly began developing an interest in weights. I would do my cardio and then venture over to the leg press with what I can only imagine was amazing (terrible) form, then do some ‘wall sits’ with a weight plate etc. So now, bear in mind I am STILL only eating 1,200-300 calories per day, whilst doing cardio and now ALSO weight training. My metabolism was on fire and I would often go to bed hungry because you like, totally can’t eat after 7pm (LOL). Cue my descent into eating disorder style tendencies……

Half marathon day……..

My lowest weight to date. Here I weigh 7 stone 3 (101lbs). I believed I looked ‘the sh**’. I was so blinded by my obsession to lose weight every single week that it completely took over my life. I would never go out to eat because I couldn’t be certain of the calories in certain foods. I would only eat ‘clean’ foods, and used to quite openly judge other people if they weren’t eating healthily (who AM I?). After this event (which I ran in under 2 hours, which I was extremely happy with), you received a ‘goodie’ bag, with stuff to replenish your glycogen stores. One of these things was a bag of bacon flavoured nuts in a crispy shell. I ate these so quickly whilst I was sat in the car waiting to leave. I felt instantly guilty after, and had a massive battle with myself mentally because I hadn’t ‘logged’ it into MFP. The person I was with at the time deserves a medal for putting up with me because I was FREAKING out. I had just run 13 miles and I was freaking out about eating nuts, like wtf? It was at this point that I realised how much food had taken over my life. That my obsession to be ‘clean’ was making me ill. Yet I believed I was totally HEALTHY. My best friend said something to me that I will ALWAYS remember when I have a bad body image day. She said ‘I used to think I could hang my clothes off your collar bone’. Its scary just how much food can become an obsession and lead you down a very dangerous road. Not long after this, my friend took me out for coffee for my birthday. He had arranged for some surprises to arrive at the venue we were at, and one of them was a giant slice of cake, topped with cream, sauce, the full works essentially. I panicked internally whilst I was sat there eating it, and I balled my eyes out when I got home with guilt. THIS. THIS was the pivotal moment for me when I knew I had gone too far.

Cue IIFYM…………

Don’t sh** your pants, but I stopped doing cardio (hella scary I know). I did a tonne of research into tracking macros, and started following people on instagram who had been doing the same. I was in awe with the styles of foods that they were eating and the results that they were getting with strength/weight training. I wanted to look that strong, and have those curves! FYI ladies, weights do NOT make you bulky, and ‘toning’ MEANS building muscle. I remember seeing my macro split for the first time and it looking like a science equation as all I had ever done was count calories! I asked loads of advice from other instagram accounts, and the amount of genuinely helpful people out there is amazing. I began lifting weights 5 times per week, doing zero cardio. I was eating more food than I had done in years, and I was eating my last meal at 9pm at night (no carbs after dark, pffffft). I can’t remember the last time I felt THIS healthy and this mentally happy. I learnt that with weight training you wanted the scale to either level off or slowly increase. I never thought I would be happy to NOT see the scale go down each week! I felt stronger in my own skin. I didn’t fear eating foods, and I didn’t even look at the calories on MFP I just focused on eating my macro nutrients. I never thought I would find balance like this <3.

It sounds so cliche to say that something ‘changed’ or ‘saved’ your life, but I truly believe that this did. If I had lost anymore weight, allowed myself to be a slave to the scale, obsessed over ‘eating clean’ anymore than I already was, I am 100% sure that I would have developed a really bad eating disorder. So many people bash IIFYM and how people follow it and what they choose to eat with their macro ratios, but, IIFYM allows so much mental balance its INSANE. There are so many ‘cookie cutter’ diets out there that insist you eat chicken and broccoli at every meal and don’t eat past 6pm, which ultimately lead to a yo-yo, binge eating lifestyle because all you are feeling is deprivation. Yeah, I am sure you’re still getting results, but wouldn’t you rather eat the foods that you love and STILL achieve those goals? IIFYM does that.

I can’t imagine myself following anything different. It doesn’t feel like a ‘diet’, it’s a lifestyle choice. A HEALTHY lifestyle choice, that allows you freedom to eat the foods that you love so you don’t feel deprived. I have had one hell of a yo-yo journey, but I have finally found my balance and happiness I didn’t think was possible after years of living in the shadows.

If you stayed with me to the end of this (it was long I KNOW), then thank you. It’s hard to expose yourself to the world, but I also know that being REAL and sharing your story is so beneficial for others going through similar struggles. If you’re just getting started, or you’re struggling to find your balance, don’t give up. It IS possible ❤

Lou xx

Breaking The ‘I Will Start Next Monday’ Cycle

Don’t act like you’ve never done it. Sat in front of your cupboard Sunday night eating all the ‘bad food’ so you can start ‘fresh’ Monday, only to eat chocolate for breakfast the next day, so you decide to start NEXT Monday. Clearly diets can ONLY be started on a Monday, heaven forbid you start MIDWEEK right? 

I can totally relate to this mindset. In fact I did this regularly for about six months. Weightloss and mental strength go hand in hand. After eating healthily for only two days I already FELT better, and this in turn helped me to look at my body in a better light. Crazy isn’t it? Even though nothing crazy would have physically happened with my body I already believed I looked better. 

Here’s the thing, eating crappy foods DO make you feel good. Endorphins course round your body making you feel happiness and wanting more. However, we all know the mental battering you give yourself afterwards is NOT worth it.  This only makes you hate the way you look even more, so what do you do to feel better? You reach for something deep fried and covered in chocolate because it will release those temporary happy endorphins……..notice the cycle? 

It’s THIS. This vicious back and forth we put ourselves through that preventS us from reaching our goals and seeing our true potential. 

For some people it can take a long time to break. You may go back and forth for days, weeks or months before you decide enough is enough. Others snap out of it easily. For me, I definitely did my time with it. I spent a good six months or more in this cycle before finally breaking free. It literally happened overnight. I just became so fed up of getting nowhere. Seeing other people looking amazing in their clothes and walking around with confidence. It got so bad I hated looking at my own reflection. I never wanted to go out socialising because I just felt constantly uncomfortable and felt others were judging me. Who wants to feel like that every day of their lives? It’s very stereotypical, but life really is too short to walk around with an anchor of guilt around your neck. Confidence shouldn’t be about how we look, but unfortunately we live in a society where this is the case. Everybody should feel beautiful in their own skin, regardless of their weight. 

If you’ve found yourself stuck in this cycle, don’t panic. It IS possible to break free. 

Firstly, cut yourself some slack. Not everybody can snap their fingers and break habits of a lifetime. Don’t compare yourself to somebody who transformed overnight. It doesn’t matter where anybody else is on their journey, all that matters is your own. 

Secondly, set yourself small achievable goals. This might only be to drink more water daily, or eat more fruits and vegetables. You don’t have to make crazy changes all at once. I personally started by aiming to drink two litres of water a day. Having a small achievable goal kept me focused. 

Thirdly, decide what your long term goals are. I motivated myself by signing up for a half marathon. Knowing that I had an end focus gave me something to work towards. Or you might decide you want to be healthier and eat better overall. The goal doesn’t have to be something physical such as a race or sporting event, to live healthier and happier is just as important.

Lastly, don’t beat yourself up if you fall off plan. Nobody is perfect. We are programmed to fail once in a while. If you wake up Monday morning and eat really well for most of the day, don’t beat yourself up because you have a treat in the evening. Just pick yourself back up and start again. This doesn’t mean in a week, start straight away. You don’t need to wait for Monday to get back on track.

Slipping up doesn’t mean failure. It only becomes this way if you allow it too. Don’t settle for anything less than the life that you deserve. It’s always worth the effort in the end when one day you have the body confidence you’ve always wanted. 
Lou xx

IIFYM: Instagram Q&A

So I posted on my instagram (@ricecake_fitness) a few days ago asking if anybody had any questions relating to IIFYM. I promised to upload the answers to your questions this Sunday so here goes! 

– How did I decide what percentage my macros would be?

Personally, I started off by using IIFYM.com. I wrote a post relating to how to get started using the site a month or so ago, so if you are unsure on how to get started please refer to ‘IIFYM: The Calculator’. There are many other macro calculators out there on the Internet, but I have always used this as a reference point as it allows you to wiggle your percentages around, depending on whether you want to bulk/cut etc.

– Do you find it is easy to become obsessed over every bite?

I’ve personally had my up’s and down’s with this one. I find myself being FAR less obsessive with tracking macros than I was when I was counting calories. This is because IIFYM allows you so much more freedom of choice with your food. The only time I am truly obsessive with eating or going over my macros is during prep for a show. Otherwise, as long as I am in a +/- 5g of my carbs, proteins and fats I am not too worried. I have found IIFYM helped me to relinquish my control over obsessive eating. Not straight away, but gradually over time. 

– How easy is it to follow when going out to eat?

It is surprisingly easier than you think. The longer you have been following macro tracking, the easier I think this is, as you become accustom to knowing what types of macros are in certain foods. For example, vegetables are all very low carb foods, except for the starchier ones such as potatoes. So, if I go out to eat, I know choosing chicken with vegetables (including potato) is going to be a good option, as it contains protein and healthy carb sources. When counting calories I find you just focus on the number as opposed to the nutritional value of the food itself, whereas IIFYM allows for flexibility as long as you manage to hit your carbs, proteins and fats. Usually, if I am going out to dinner and I am not prepping for a show, I will just use it as my untracked/treat meal of the week. It’s all about balance and moderation.

– The calculator told me to have next to no carbs, how do I do this?

I wouldn’t usually advice low/no carbs, BUT if your macro percentage did limit you to a low amount of carbs it IS possible. Load up on your ‘filler’ foods, such as broccoli, spinach, peppers, courgette etc. These are all very low carb foods and keep you fuller for longer. Once you become familiar with your foods and their grams of carbs you will find it much easier to pick low carb, yet filling meals.

– Can you follow IIFYM without protein supplements?

Of course! There are tonnes of other protein sources out there! Such as chicken, turkey, steak, cottage cheese, quark, eggs etc. Essentially protein powders are only meant as a supplements to GOOD diet. I generally only use protein powders as a post workout shake or in a breakfast meal, but it is totally manageable without them. 

Hopefully these answers were helpful, if not then please let me know. 

I do strongly believe that switching to IIFYM was the best decision I made, and would definitely recommend it to anybody looking to see results in their health and fitness.
Lou xx